Child Sex Abuse & The Black Community

There are so many realities that still hurt Black People, that can be directly attributed to the history of "Slavery and Segregation" in our country. I know I am about to talk about a subject that many folks would rather we not discuss. It is painful and creates an immediate reaction for some, that we are "airing" our "dirty laundry". But this is the same thinking and actions that allow Sexual Abuse to run rampant in our society. Let me attempt to give my "opinionated assessment" of Sexual Abuse in the Black Community.

During Slavery & Segregation, it was necessary for Black People to attempt to "protect" each other at all cost. We got good at keeping "secrets" from the Slave Master and the White Community at large. It was necessary to lie and conceal information, for your life and the life of others could depend on how well you could lie to White People. This behavior was necessary in order to stay safe. Now, this is not a history lesson so I will not stay on this point. However, it is necessary to know this fact in order to know why we react the way we do when a Black Leader (particularly a Black Man) is seemingly, under attack. The "protective" reaction is at it's highest, when it seems the Black Church is being attacked. It is important to know, that during "Slavery & Segregation" our only true support and advocacy was birthed in the Black Church. All Black Civil Rights organizations gained their strength through partnerships with the Black Churches. In other words, in order to really reach the people you had to go through the most respected persons in the community. Of course, that was the Black Ministers/Clergy. Today, not much has changed in the Black Community concerning how we elevate our Black clergy.

Sexual Abuse prospers in the Black Community through our teaching to not be a "SNITCH". Now when you take a subject like Sexual Abuse that we don't like talking about in society and mix it with an allegation made against a Black Church Leader, what you have is a "disconnect between the facts and our distrust of what we believe is the White Community...the MEDIA"! When we use as an example the O.J. Simpson murder case, we see a position in the Black community that "if you can't prove it, than he didn't do it". Many of us felt that if he did do it and got away with it, "than that does not come close to making up for all the innocent Black People that was killed during Slavery & Segregation". I am a Black Man in America. I understand. Just because we have a Black President, doesn't mean "racism" has disappeared. I understand these feelings that exist in the Black community. However, I must draw the line and scream LOUDLY, when we began to allow "unhealed wounds" to put our Children "at risk of sexual predators". We must stop it now. Please! For the sake of our children.

Now, let's examine the Bishop Eddie Long Issue:Clergy Sexual Abuse has no color or specific religion. It is always shocking and always the same "old" story. A powerful man, who is anointed by God, helped so many, done so much, saved so many.................And YES he is a sexual predator. The Faith Community is shocked and don't want to believe the "signs" which are clear. Let's examine the allegations:

Bishop Long "did or did not" buy expensive gifts for these teenagers/men

Bishop Long "did or did not" fly these teenagers/men around the world

Bishop Long "did or did not" stay in the same room with these teenagers/men when they traveled

Bishop Long "did or did not" provide houses and cars free to these teenagers/men

Bishop Long "did or did not" send pictures of himself in tight fitting clothes, taken by him, in a bathroom to these teenagers/men

Of the five items listed which ones would you be ok with him doing for or with your own children? None for my child please. I'm not sure if it is because I have worked in Child Welfare for 20 years or it's because I am a survivor of childhood Clergy sexual abuse, but I know there are always signs. I know that I am suspicious of any adult spending "alone" time with any child other than their own. I know to ask questions about this behavior when I see it. I know my help of kids does not include a desire to send them pictures of me or buy them expensive presents. I can't see God in that behavior. I see a possible sexual predator.

Now let's get something clear. It is not possible that NO ONE in the Church knew about this behavior. It is possible that many of the congregation believed what they wanted to believe instead of what they knew they saw. I agree that clergy should be respected. I agree that clergy can help us grow closer to Christ. I also agree that clergy are humans and sin like all men and women. For this reason, I supervise their interactions with children just like I would with any other adult. Children depend on adults to protect them. I will not be traveling with anyones children alone and no adult will be traveling with my child or any other child alone if it is not their child, without me asking questions. We must learn not to give clergy trust that we wouldn't give any other adult with children. Again, we all sin. No man or woman is God, so we all struggle with sin. This is true no matter how many thousands or millions of people believe in your message. Let's stop acting as if we don't know that or that it is only true if you are not clergy.

As I mention in my book, From Abused to Protector: “Claiming Your Life After Your Church Sexually Abuses You” A Story of Hope, Forgiveness and Triumph, there are ten things that all adults can do to prevent sexual abuse.

1. Parents need to be watchful of all children as if they were their own.

2. Parents should know the parents and other family members of their children’s friends before allowing them to play unsupervised or spend a night at the friend’s house.

3. All parents should be involved in the PTA at school.

4. We must demand that Child Welfare programs be fully funded so that case loads are manageable.

5. Our Child Welfare system should be preventive rather than reactive. We shouldn’t be working with a foster care system that doesn’t graduate children and bounces them around to strangers instead of family members.

6. Churches need to require background checks for all personnel.

7. There should be a strict curfew for all children.

8. We must demand that all Child Welfare professionals be competent – especially the leaders!

9. We have to make sure that those engaged in social work have their heart in the right place. Just having the right degrees is never enough. These are jobs that require passion and commitment. There is no room for complacency.

10. Realize that, regardless of how much money we might spend, ultimately it is not up to the government to fix this problem. Communities must live up to their own responsibilities right in their own neighborhoods, schools, churches and homes. Sexual and physical abusers are no match for dogged vigilance. They can and must be stopped!

Accountability / Bishop Eddie Long

When did the allegations of sexual abuse against Bishop Eddie Long become an issue "primarily" for the courts to handle? As a Clergy Person who is entrusted with preaching interpretation of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ; I am less concerned about what can be proven as a criminal or civil case and more concerned about how the Bishop's actions have shaken the faith of others through his at best "inappropriate behavior" and at worst "criminal behavior". We must ask ourselves as Christians and to show children we as adults will not take such allegations lightly, the following questions:

Why must the "People" demand more answers from the Bishop?

Why must other Clergy appeal to Bishop Eddie Long to step down, at least until the courts or "he" answer the questions that need to be answered?

Why must the "Community of All Christian People" do more to ensure children are safe at church instead of "releasing ourselves of our supervision responsibilities as adults" just because they are at Church or with Clergy?

1. Why must the "People" demand more answers from the Bishop?

The Bishop saying "I am not a perfect man" is an unacceptable response to these allegations. The Bishop saying "I am not the person that they describe" is an unacceptable response. What should we demand to hear the Bishop say: "I have never had any sexual contact or relations with any of my "Spiritual Sons". Also since the Bishop has made a living on his strong views against homosexual behavior, we must also demand that he simply say, "I have not had any sexual contact or relations with any man, ever". As a MAN, I simply cannot understand why the Bishop would not simply say these things? As a father, I cannot understand why the Bishop would not deny these things? As a professional in Child Welfare for 20 years, I cannot understand why the Bishop would not deny these things? As a survivor of Clergy Sexual Abuse, I cannot understand why the Bishop would not Deny these things? As a Christian...............I need the Bishop to deny these things.

2. Why must other Clergy appeal to Bishop Eddie Long to step down, at least until the courts or "he" answer the questions that need to be answered?

As a Christian I expect Christian Clergy to practice what they preach. I expect them to tell the truth when it is not popular. I expect for them not to be the "Christian Leaders" that saw slavery in this country and did nothing. I don't expect them to be the "Christian Leaders" to find an interpretation in the Bible that somehow justifies "cruel acts or behavior towards others". I don't expect them to be like a "Gang" and mobilize to pray/protect "one of their own" because the person is powerful and influential. I expect them to be true to the practices of Jesus and challenge the "High Priest" to practice what they preach and to be examples of humility and sacrifice. I expect them to be the "Christian Leaders" that first attempt to pray with the hurting "flock" (Spiritual Sons) and not feel the need to make a public display of praying for and with the powerful "high priest" (Bishop Long). Lastly, like it or not all Christian religions derive from Catholicism. Most Christian religions were formed to be an improvement from the "systematic practices" of the Catholic Church. Well, it seems that how Bishop Long and other Christian Leaders are responding, is a "carbon copy" of the hurtful, denying, disregarding, cover-up mentality that we have seen with the Catholic Church. I can't close this point without mentioning the "pink elephant" in the room. It seems as though we are giving Bishop Long a "pass" because this is a Christian "Black Church" issue. As a Christian (Catholic), parent, Child Welfare professional, a survivor of Clergy Sexual Abuse and a Black Man; I couldn't care less if Bishop Long is Black, White, Yellow or Brown. This behavior is a direct threat to our children. It is also a threat to our Christian Faith Community regardless what denomination you are.

3. Why must the "Community of All Christian People" do more to ensure children are safe at Church instead of "releasing ourselves of our supervision responsibilities as adults" just because they are at Church or with Clergy?

We must address this issue of Sexual Abuse in our "Christian Faith Community" boldly and with deliberate resolve to ensure that all children being "raised" in the Christian faith are free from predators no matter if they are Clergy, youth ministers, friends , etc. We must remember: Matthew 18:10 “See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven". If we do not fix this "Sickness" that we have allowed to go unchecked in Religion, we will lose children who are currently being raised/taught in our Christian Communities. As adults we can rationalize almost anything, right or wrong. As children, we only remember the hurt and inaction of adults. Sexual Abuse prospers because it is meant to be a "secret" between the abuser and the victim. The "shame" the victim feels helps keep it in the dark. The "inability of adults to pay attention to the signs" of sexual abuse, helps keep it in the dark. Sexual abuse in the Church and in society can be prevented with responsible adults taking a stand to ask the questions that we should ask of "all" adults who seem to be attaching themselves to our children. We must trust adults to better the lives of children through their interactions and interventions with children. We must however, ask questions of adults and always ensure the safety of children first. You don't need to buy presents, take kids on trips or send them pictures of you in order to help them succeed or build their self esteem.

Let's pray for the young men who are hurting because of sharing their perspective on their relationship with Bishop Long. Trust me, this is no way to get fame or money. In my opinion it is insensitive and un-Christian like to be so dismissive of someone's pain. Think of your own children or children you love, then pray for these young men as you would if they were your own. Amen.

Grooming is Grooming/Bishop Eddie Long

Clergy Sexual Abuse has no color or specific religion. It is always shocking and always the same "old" story. A powerful man, who is anointed by God, helped so many, done so much, saved so many.................And YES he is a sexual predator. The Faith Community is shocked and don't want to believe the "signs" which are clear. Let's examine the allegations:

Bishop Long "did or did not" by expensive gifts for these teenagers/men

Bishop Long "did or did not" fly these teenagers/men around the world

Bishop Long "did or did not" stay in the same room with these teenagers/men when they traveled

Bishop Long "did or did not" provide houses and cars free to these teenagers/men

Bishop Long "did or did not" send pictures of himself in tight fitting clothes, taken by him, in a bathroom to these teenagers/men

Of the five items listed which ones would you be ok with him doing for or with your own children? None for my child please. I'm not sure if it is because I have worked in Child Welfare for 20 years or it's because I am a survivor of childhood Clergy sexual abuse, but I know there are always signs. I know that I am suspicious of any adult spending "alone" time with any child other than their own. I know to ask questions about this behavior when I see it. I know my help of kids does not include a desire to send them pictures of me or buy them expensive presents. I can't see God in that behavior. I see a possible sexual predator.

Now let's get something clear. It is not possible that NO ONE in the Church knew about this behavior. It is possible that many of the congregation believed what they wanted to believe instead of what they knew they saw. I agree that clergy should be respected. I agree that clergy can help us grow closer to Christ. I also agree that clergy are humans and sin like all men and women. For this reason, I supervise their interactions with children just like I would with any other adult. Children depend on adults to protect them. I will not be traveling with anyones children alone and no adult will be traveling with my child or any other child alone if it is not their child, without me asking questions. We must learn not to give clergy trust that we wouldn't give any other adult with children. Again, we all sin. No man or woman is God, so we all struggle with sin. This is true no matter how many thousands or millions of people believe in your message. Let's stop acting as if we don't know that or that it is only true if you are not clergy.

As I mention in my book, From Abused to Protector: “Claiming Your Life After Your Church Sexually Abuses You” A Story of Hope, Forgiveness and Triumph, there are ten things that all adults can do to prevent sexual abuse.

1. Parents need to be watchful of all children as if they were their own.

2. Parents should know the parents and other family members of their children’s friends before allowing them to play unsupervised or spend a night at the friend’s house.

3. All parents should be involved in the PTA at school.

4. We must demand that Child Welfare programs be fully funded so that case loads are manageable.

5. Our Child Welfare system should be preventive rather than reactive. We shouldn’t be working with a foster care system that doesn’t graduate children and bounces them around to strangers instead of family members.

6. Churches need to require background checks for all personnel.

7. There should be a strict curfew for all children.

8. We must demand that all Child Welfare professionals be competent – especially the leaders!

9. We have to make sure that those engaged in social work have their heart in the right place. Just having the right degrees is never enough. These are jobs that require passion and commitment. There is no room for complacency.

10. Realize that, regardless of how much money we might spend, ultimately it is not up to the government to fix this problem. Communities must live up to their own responsibilities right in their own neighborhoods, schools, churches and homes. Sexual and physical abusers are no match for dogged vigilance. They can and must be stopped!